We love Christmas, don’t we? It’s a time to celebrate and spend time with those we love. Sadly, Christmas can also be a really, really overwhelming time if you’re autistic. I’m going to share some tips to get through Christmas as best you can.
Tip 1: Gifts List
Buying gifts for anyone is a right nightmare. Do you know what kinds of things they like? Have they got a passion they talk about all the time? Or a hobby? Sometimes it can be really difficult because we’re expected to be mind readers. Funnily enough, those little hints of “I want that” don’t tend to register.
What I’ve found really useful is making a list of things I would want that I can add to all year round. If could be an online document, a list on a website like Amazon or whichever way works for you. I have a separate list of books, DVDs and CDs I want and shared that list with family members. I have the setting on that removes the item from the list when they’ve bought it so there’s no duplicates bought by me accidentally. If you have a list of things you want, then you’re less worried about reactions not being right in front of family and friends.
If you know that you’re going to have gifts from work colleagues, friends or family that aren’t included in this system, prepare as best you can a pleased reaction. Many autistic people have used practicing reactions in the mirror to get it right. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, use a cheat if you’re able. Tell them “thank you for the lovely gift. I’ll save it to open on Christmas Day”. This may not work in all situations. If you feel pressured, just explain that opening gifts overwhelm you and you need some space to open it at your own time.
Tip 2: Family Routine
Heading up to Christmas and the days around it, having a plan as to what you’re doing when will be a big help. This time of year, all timings and routines go out the window. Whether it’s you or a loved one who needs that help, setting out a plan will allow them to process what’s going on. You can be as detailed or paired back as you need.
You could be specific in all the timings. Presents at 8am. Play with presents until 11am. Lunch served at 12:30pm (or whenever you want it) with specific seating of who sits where. Family stroll round the block at 2pm. You get the gist. If there’s something in the form of a routine, it will make it easier for whoever needs that plan. You could even do it visually with a board showing pictograms of the plan.
If you’re a little unsure what they need, should the autistic person not be yourself, then talk to them or their parents about it (should they be a child). The best person to ask about structuring Christmas for them is the person affected.
Tip 3: Safe Space
Christmas can get really hectic. Like really, really hectic. Having a space to get away to is crucial. If they’re visiting your house, have a room specifically for them to relax in. Have a quiet space with sensory lights, squishy things, anything that allows them to recharge their batteries. There’s probably a lot of masking their autistic traits going on. It takes a lot out of us to keep that mask up for long periods.
It also means we have a space to escape to if we get overwhelmed. Getting angry about someone’s need to duck out of party games getting too loud will only make the autistic person feel more awkward and embarrassed they aren’t reacting the same as everyone else.
Tip 4: Food Preferences
A part of being autistic means we can struggle with our senses. It’s not us being difficult. It could be we can’t eat specific foods because they feel slimy or overly bitter. Texture is a big part of that. We can limit our diet because food textures are difficult for us to navigate.
If you’re having autistic family come and visit, have a clear conversation with them or their parents on which foods they like and which they can’t cope with. This allows us to be in control of what we’re eating. It could be as easy as giving us peas instead of Brussel Sprouts. Or it could be we have just sausages as the meat part because the turkey can be too dry and sticks to our mouth. Having that discussion before time means you’re less likely to have any tantrums at the table on texture issues.
Don’t be upset of the autistic person can’t cope with eating with other people. This is more than likely down to sensory overload of taking in what everyone else is doing while trying to eat. If they need to go and use the safe space to eat alone, that’s okay. It just makes it less stressful a day for them.
Tip 5: Clothing Management
Another of our senses we struggle with is touch. We could be hyper-sensitive, where we feel more, or hypo-sensitive, where we don’t feel as much. A quite common Christmas tradition, at least over here in the UK, is for kids to get a new set of PJs to wear Christmas Eve and wake up in on Christmas Day. There may even be a specific outfit to wear on Christmas Day too.
Should this be the case in your household, try and go for softer fabrics. This might be fluffy or cotton. Make sure when you feel the inside of the tops especially that you can’t feel any of the design through it. If you can feel stitching, backing fabric or anything that gives you a slightly scratchy feel, we will feel it. It will become so overwhelming that we can’t focus on anything else. That feeling will carry through the whole day. It is likely to be a trigger for the overwhelmed sensation to snowball and could result in a sensory overload later into the day.
Well, I hope this blog has been useful with some tips to get through the Christmas holidays as easily as you can. Happy Christmas and hope you’re able to enjoy yourselves!