Surprisingly enough, there are some phrases that you should never say to an autistic person. To help you respect the autistic people in your life, in this blog I’m going to break down which ones you should really avoid.
1. “You don’t look autistic”
This is the one that will get the most eye rolls or a stare that makes everyone uncomfortable. This phrase implies there’s a look to being autistic. Hate to burst that awkward bubble, but this phrase is as helpful as a chocolate teapot (in that it melts as soon as you try to use it for tea!).
We come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, colours and personalities. Using a specific “look” as a physical marker for someone being autistic will just anger or annoy the person who may have used all their courage to tell you they’re autistic. Don’t belittle that effort with this phrase.
2. “Neurospicy”
This is a new one I’ve heard about recently and it makes me really angry. The phrase “spicy” has been used to describe people as hot tempered, sexually provocative or excessively passionate linked to the colour of their skin. This has been uses especially about women of colour such as Latinas, South Asians or black women.
When it comes to “Neurospicy”, it uses the same connotations that were referring to someone’s skin colour to how our brains work. It implies that we’re difficult, volatile and overly intense. It is degrading and disgusting language, hence it making its appearance on my list of phrases to avoid.
3. “We’re all a little autistic”
No. Just, no. We are not all “a little autistic”. This one really annoys me. Saying this phrase belittles the difficulties of those who are actually autistic. So much of our time, to me at least, feels like we’re having to second guess what everyone else is doing because it’s not always clear.
When I think of autism, I usually refer to it like we all get a verbal copy of how to socialise with everyone else but my copy’s pages are stuck together in weird places so I’m having to fudge it a lot to understand everyone else to fill in those gaps. Not everyone will find it like that. So, to stop yourself getting a Paddington Bear stare, don’t do it.
4. “Low/High Functioning”
Here is where I roll my eyes. So, the phrases “low functioning” or “high functioning” is how the neurotypical people try and pigeonhole us. Low functioning implies we have a LOT of needs, we’re likely non speaking, flapping our hands around a lot because we can’t communicate to the expectations of the world not made for us. High functioning implies you’ve managed to mask your autism so well people wouldn’t be able to tell you’re autistic.
What these phrases don’t do is reflect that not all of us have the same skills. Maybe we didn’t develop our ability to speak so we communicate in other ways. Maybe we’re having a really off day and being selectively mute is our way of reserving whatever energy we have left. Not every day is the same. We may have plenty of energy one day but not the next. It happens and that’s okay.
5. “My (insert family member) is autistic and you’re nothing like them”
Not everyone’s experience of autism is the same. Not everyone’s family has the same representation either. If you have an autistic family member in your clan, comparing them to someone else with this phrase will not go down well. We all have our own challenges and have had different experiences with others on the topic of autism.
Respecting autistic people’s differences allows for a bigger and better conversation on how we can cater to everyone’s needs. Not everyone needs as much assistance as others. All we ask is not to have our experiences being autistic belittled just because they don’t match your family member’s.
Being respectful that not everyone who is autistic is the same will help not catch you out. Using the above phrases will also likely upset the autistic person you’re talking to. If you’re not sure how to address their autism, the best thing to do is ask them. We’re going to bite your head off (figuratively!) for asking how best to address our autism. We want to be accepted for the way we are.